How to Start Parenting with Gratitude®
So you're wondering if this whole gratitude thing will work for you…
Parents have been told to "just be grateful" more times than we can count. So if you're giving that word the side-eye, I get it.
But hear me out: I'm not here to tell you to be grateful—I'm here to show you how to use gratitude as a lens to see yourself more clearly. Not to become someone new, but to return to who you already are.
Because here's the thing: parenting doesn't need to break you. It can grow you—if you're paying attention.
When You Need a New Parenting Plan
I’ve been at this for a while. Before becoming a mom, I spent two decades as a professional nanny. I’ve seen parenting from all angles and lived it in the trenches.
Eventually, I said a big, bold F-U to being the “perfect” mom. I wanted something deeper. So I set a new intention: to become a happier human. That single shift sent me down a path of self-work, where I began to do the research and learn the tools of positive psychology.
Along the way, I developed a method I call Parenting with Gratitude® and an equation that makes it easier to try on for size.
This method acts as a kind of commitment device—a strategy (as Dr. Laurie Santos and behavioral scientists would say) that supports self-regulation and helps you stay aligned with your deeper goals.
It’s simple. It’s grounded. And it’s customized—just for you.
The Parenting with Gratitude® Equation 🪷
Let’s update the math. Here’s what my research, practice, and lived experience all say:
Existing moments with our children + Present-moment awareness (infused with parental gratitude)
→ Positive emotions and/or meaning-making
→ The Five Facets of Self-Trust
Those facets are: self-efficacy, self-confidence, self-compassion, self-resilience, and self-worth.
Why It Works:
🪷 Grounded in Reality – You’re not adding more to your plate; you're working with what’s already happening.
🪷 Accessible – It’s not about perfection. It’s about noticing the good that’s already there.
🪷 Sustainable Growth – This isn't a one-time fix. It’s a practice that builds self-trust over time.
🪷 Naturally Expands – Gratitude grows gratitude. And with it, confidence, resilience, and ease.
Let’s Break It Down:
1. Existing Moments with Our Children
This is the good news: you don’t need a new parenting plan. You already have the raw material.
The quiet car ride. The half-hug before bed. The mess, the noise, the questions—they’re all invitations. You don’t have to manufacture connection—it’s happening already.
This equation begins with what you’re already doing.
2. Present-Moment Awareness (Infused with Parental Gratitude)
This is where the practice comes in. When you slow down just enough to notice—that your child is laughing, that you didn’t yell this time, that you’re proud of how you handled that tantrum—you make natural space for gratitude to enter the chat.
Not the “gratitude list” kind. The embodied, “I’m here, and this matters” kind.
This is what I call Parental Gratitude: using mindfulness and appreciation, even delight, right here in the moment.
“Gratitude is fertilizer for the mind, spreading connections and improving its function in nearly every realm of experience.”
― Robert Emmons Ph.D, The Little Book of Gratitude
3. Positive Emotions and/or Meaning-Making
When you engage with the moment this way, something shifts inside you. Maybe you feel joy. Maybe you feel relief. Maybe you just feel like yourself again.
Or maybe, you simply see the meaning in what just happened: that mattered. And so do you.
This stage activates the inner landscape of positive psychology—and that’s where growth begins.
4. The Five Facets of Self-Trust
As this pattern repeats—real moments + mindful gratitude → meaning—you begin to build something incredible inside you. Something grounded and deep that no one can take away from you.
Not perfection. Not control. Self-trust.
You begin to believe that:
You’re capable (self-efficacy)
You’re good enough (self-worth)
You can handle hard things (self-resilience)
You can be kind to yourself (self-compassion)
You know what you're doing (self-confidence)
“We can accumulate a greater sense of self-worth by appreciating our accomplishments and the results we achieve in the world, and through the repeated internalization of recognizing our own accomplishments, and feeling successful in inappropriate ways as a result, as well as internalizing the appreciation of others, acknowledgments of others, the friendliness of others, the lovingness of others, all of which affirm our worth as a being.” - Rick Hanson on Being Well.
This is the Practice
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to pause.
To open up and let one good thing land.
And then let it shape how you see yourself.
Because you’re not broken. You’re growing.
And you’re not alone. - Stef 🪷