Cracking the Gratitude Code: A No-BS Guide for Type-A Moms

The Gratitude Paradox

Are you tired of starting something new, like a gratitude practice, but never sticking with it? OK, whether you identify as a Type A Mom or not, this blog post is for you. So, you've decided to jump on the gratitude train. You grabbed a cute journal, had one good day of using it, and then life happened. Sound familiar? Don't worry because today, we are tackling the wild world of motivation.

Motivation: The Real Deal

“There are really three key questions in terms of the intrinsic values in how we go about the process of going about accomplishing things.

One - Do we make efforts, sincere efforts along the way? Do we wake up, do we do a good day's worth of work, or are we kind of slackers, procrastinators, and we just don't work very hard at it? Do you make real efforts?

Second - Do you bring your whole heart to it? Are you good-hearted about it? Are you trying to make something better rather than worse? Do you come from love deep down inside or something close to it? Good-heartedness.

And third - Do you learn along the way? Do you have a learning curve? Do you grow from your mistakes? Do you grow from your successes?”

- Dr. Rick Hanson from the Being Well podcast

When it comes to motivation, there are two types: intrinsic and extrinsic.

Intrinsic motivation is all about your own deep desires and beliefs. You know, that fire 🔥 in your belly that gets you going. On the other hand, extrinsic motivation is the stuff that comes from outside—rewards, praise, cultural expectations, your mom on the phone 😂. As your friendly gratitude-whisperer, I'm here to help with the paradox of wanting to start but losing your motivation. And the first way to do this is to check and make sure it's your fire in YOUR belly, not mine or your mom’s or some cookie-cutter version of “wellness” that brings you to the practice of thankfulness and appreciation.

Unveiling the Gratitude Equation

On this blog, I talk a lot about unlocking the power of a daily gratitude practice. I’ve seen the magic, it can work, and I want to offer you a bunch of ways to try it out — so that you can make it a habit too. But here's the deal: I can’t preach at you or tell you what you "should" do. You gotta want this for yourself and believe you are good enough to make the investment in. If you believe that you are truly GoodAF, taking the next steps will be much easier, especially if they don’t go the way you planned.

And that uncertainty is why I offer you an equation you can customize for this new method: The Parenting with Gratitude™ Equation: Intention + Attention + Action + Repetition = Results you can see and feel.

Closing the Gap: Intention vs. Action

Let's address another elephant in the room—the Intention-Action Gap. This is where our well-intentioned plans (hopefully intrinsically motivated) collide with reality, and boy, can it be a bumpy ride. So, you've got all the right motivations and intentions…but following through? 😬 That’s where we can get lost. Trust me, there's a mountain of books on how to learn a new habit. We're gonna revamp your gratitude game and close the Intention Action Gap simply by reminding ourselves what gratitude in action feels like.

Dusting Off the Gratitude Archives

Get ready to dig deep into the vault. It's time to resurrect those old gratitude lists and reminisce about the good ol' days. Whether you've filled ten journals or scribbled a couple of entries in the past three months, it doesn't matter. We're gonna make it work. And here's a secret—I don't remember half the stuff I've written either. It's like uncovering buried treasure, I tell ya! Once you have your old journals or maybe a gratitude letter you never sent in hand, we are ready.

Reignite the Spark: Reflecting on Past Gratitude

Grab a pen and paper, mama. We're diving into some serious—but simple—reflection here. Take five minutes to soak in those words you wrote. Remember our savoring practice? Use it like a pro. Write down why you're doing this gratitude thing for yourself. How do you feel when you read your old appreciation? Get descriptive, get cheesy, and get real. And while you're at it, picture that GoodAF mom staring back at you from the pages.

Building Your Bridge to Consistency

Alright, now we're cooking. Now use the equation and fill it in. With your intentions, attention, and all those feelings in mind, you're ready to bridge that Intention-Action Gap. You've got the potential for gratitude brewing inside you, and it's time to find the practice that fits your current mom chapter. Head over to the Practice Hub here (or tap that hamburger icon on your phone), and explore your next steps. -Stef

How to Start Parenting with Gratitude®

So you're wondering if this whole gratitude thing will work for you…

Parents have been told to "just be grateful" more times than we can count. So if you're giving that word the side-eye, I get it.

But hear me out: I'm not here to tell you to be grateful—I'm here to show you how to use gratitude as a lens to see yourself more clearly. Not to become someone new, but to return to who you already are.

Because here's the thing: parenting doesn't need to break you. It can grow you—if you're paying attention.

When You Need a New Parenting Plan

I’ve been at this for a while. Before becoming a mom, I spent two decades as a professional nanny. I’ve seen parenting from all angles and lived it in the trenches.

Eventually, I said a big, bold F-U to being the “perfect” mom. I wanted something deeper. So I set a new intention: to become a happier human. That single shift sent me down a path of self-work, where I began to do the research and learn the tools of positive psychology.

Along the way, I developed a method I call Parenting with Gratitude® and an equation that makes it easier to try on for size.

This method acts as a kind of commitment device—a strategy (as Dr. Laurie Santos and behavioral scientists would say) that supports self-regulation and helps you stay aligned with your deeper goals.

It’s simple. It’s grounded. And it’s customized—just for you.

The Parenting with Gratitude® Equation 🪷

Let’s update the math. Here’s what my research, practice, and lived experience all say:

Existing moments with our children + Present-moment awareness (infused with parental gratitude)
→ Positive emotions and/or meaning-making
→ The Five Facets of Self-Trust

Those facets are: self-efficacy, self-confidence, self-compassion, self-resilience, and self-worth.

Why It Works:

🪷 Grounded in Reality – You’re not adding more to your plate; you're working with what’s already happening.

🪷 Accessible – It’s not about perfection. It’s about noticing the good that’s already there.

🪷 Sustainable Growth – This isn't a one-time fix. It’s a practice that builds self-trust over time.

🪷 Naturally Expands – Gratitude grows gratitude. And with it, confidence, resilience, and ease.

Let’s Break It Down:

1. Existing Moments with Our Children

This is the good news: you don’t need a new parenting plan. You already have the raw material.
The quiet car ride. The half-hug before bed. The mess, the noise, the questions—they’re all invitations. You don’t have to manufacture connection—it’s happening already.

This equation begins with what you’re already doing.

2. Present-Moment Awareness (Infused with Parental Gratitude)

This is where the practice comes in. When you slow down just enough to notice—that your child is laughing, that you didn’t yell this time, that you’re proud of how you handled that tantrum—you make natural space for gratitude to enter the chat.
Not the “gratitude list” kind. The embodied, “I’m here, and this matters” kind.

This is what I call Parental Gratitude: using mindfulness and appreciation, even delight, right here in the moment.

“Gratitude is fertilizer for the mind, spreading connections and improving its function in nearly every realm of experience.”
― Robert Emmons Ph.D, The Little Book of Gratitude

3. Positive Emotions and/or Meaning-Making

When you engage with the moment this way, something shifts inside you. Maybe you feel joy. Maybe you feel relief. Maybe you just feel like yourself again.
Or maybe, you simply see the meaning in what just happened: that mattered. And so do you.

This stage activates the inner landscape of positive psychology—and that’s where growth begins.

4. The Five Facets of Self-Trust

As this pattern repeats—real moments + mindful gratitude → meaning—you begin to build something incredible inside you. Something grounded and deep that no one can take away from you.

Not perfection. Not control. Self-trust.

You begin to believe that:

• You’re capable (self-efficacy)

• You’re good enough (self-worth)

• You can handle hard things (self-resilience)

• You can be kind to yourself (self-compassion)

• You know what you're doing (self-confidence)

“We can accumulate a greater sense of self-worth by appreciating our accomplishments and the results we achieve in the world, and through the repeated internalization of recognizing our own accomplishments, and feeling successful in inappropriate ways as a result, as well as internalizing the appreciation of others, acknowledgments of others, the friendliness of others, the lovingness of others, all of which affirm our worth as a being.” - Rick Hanson on Being Well.

This is the Practice

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to pause.
To open up and let one good thing land.
And then let it shape how you see yourself.

Because you’re not broken. You’re growing.
And you’re not alone. - Stef 🪷

What to do next:

Listen to the Podcast: