Welcome to Quarantine Parenting — Now What?
Everyone is home and There’s nowhere to hide — So now what?
I don’t know about you but I am ready to do this whole thing a bit differently. I am discovering my old ways of getting through the day only worked when I could drop off my kids at school five days a week. Eeek!
I never had to deal with my mistakes as a parent on such a frequent and persistent basis. They went unnoticed for LONG periods of time before I actually realized I had fallen into some pretty bad parenting habits.
This week I have noticed the following:
I make empty threats and don’t ever get to 3 when I count.
I say NO way to quickly and typically I backpedal to YES because the No was irrational, which then makes me look like I am a pushover. Lose, lose.
I say YES when I don’t want to fight about something that may actually be my preference, but then that makes me look “mean” when I say NO and mean it.
I shield my children from hard situations by doing many things for them, which leaves me exhausted — and them demanding.
…and SO MUCH MORE…
I am not the only parent losing it this pandemic. This “new normal” is gonna be here for a while — so I have decided a few things:
I am going to focus on being a “good enough” parent, not a perfect parent - because after all, this is a historical pandemic.
I am going to make a few changes because they will only benefit us all in the next few months - and hey, we’re all here.
when I am really stressed and not taking care of myself (like these past weeks) you can be sure:
I am no fun - in fact I squash any fun around me.
I yell too much. I have a short temper.
I am cranky and will not let my kids in.
I forget to take moments to snuggle and connect.
If you are with me and ready to parent differently, a lot of what needs to happen has very little to do with our kids at all.
It starts with us. So here is my recipe for shaking up our Parenting Cycles while we shelter in place:
For You
Get a “One Page per Day” book:
These are all books I have used in the past that are great for different reasons (not affiliate links):
A Year of Living Consciously: 365 Daily Inspirations for Creating a Life of Passion and Purpose by Gay Hendricks - great for taking a deeper look at the relationships in your life.
Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff MD - great for setting intentions prior to meditation.
One List a Day - great for developing a daily habit that doesn’t involve too much thought.
Add a Daily Gratitude practice:
This seems silly at first, but once it gets going (maybe 2 weeks) your brain begins to adjust to looking for good - its amazing. I do it every morning paired with a daily book from above.
You can either write down 3 things in a notebook every morning or grab the Parenting with Gratitude: Journal here which I have been working on for 3 years — adjusting as I used it to make sure it matches the experience of real, honest parenting. (It’s on pre-order and will be ready to ship soon).
Go Outside ALONE:
More on this here - but yes this is vital - and the alone bit is also vital. 5 to 10 minutes — nothing crazy!
Make your to do list and then cross off half:
Check your weekly goals (see Column 2) make sure to add the things just for you.
Don’t delete the crossed out stuff. Just move half of what you want to do today, over to tomorrow’s list - then if you finish you can always grab them back, but our productivity expectations should be much lower right now - I mean cut yourself a break!
Plan everything
Plan Your Weekend
What are your goals for the weekend?
Grab a scrap of paper on Monday and make it the Weekend List. Then throughout the week add tasks to that list. However, once the weekend arrives prioritize - rest first!!
Plan Your Week
Take a weekend day and plan 1 or 2 goals for the week - things for YOU. It could be as simple as bake a loaf of fresh bread, or clean off the dining room table - just a few, don’t over do it.
If you don’t typically plan your week now is a good time to start. Remembering yourself and what makes you happy will — wait for it — make you happy!
Meal Plan
My favorite blogger Tracy Benjamin over at Shutterbean is the queen of Meal Prep, but I personally don’t Meal Prep - I just Meal Plan. I plan all of our lunches and dinners for the week and then I make the grocery list off that plan. If you want to “Meal Prep” you cook off a bunch of the items on the weekend which saves a ton of time during the week - perfect if you have a baby that won’t leave your hip! Awww remember the days!!
Take True Alone Time
Hiding in your closet is one thing, but true alone time means not being responsible for anyone but yourself for at least 30 minutes. No “Mom!” or “Hey, Honey?” — just true alone time.
This means you ask your partner to pretend that you are not home.
This means you say “Goodbye” to your kids before you go - even if it’s just outside.
I use my car as an alone time zone - it works great. Other options: front stoop, your bedroom with headphones on, a walk around the neighborhood, bathtub - door locked.
For Your Kids
Daily Gratitude
Younger kids: Keep a gratitude journal for them or use a wipe off board where you record the list each morning over breakfast — you can put yours there as well to model the behavior.
Older Kids: Every morning in our house our kids write 3 pieces of gratitude on their bathroom mirror with a wipe off marker. This works because I also put my gratitude on the mirror in the AM too.
With the older kids we say no repeats from yesterday. Of course, it’s more about the actual structure of considering gratitude as a part of their daily routine than what they write so give positive feedback even if it is Minecraft every other day.
Kindness Chain
You can notice the good with daily gratitude but also when you appreciate another’s kindnesses. Make a paper chain where each chain is a kind act you witnessed. Watch the chain grow as you notice all the good things your kids do, and feel the appreciation deeply as they add the kind things you do for them on a regular basis — magic.
Audio book time
A half hour of listening to an audio book twice a day buys you an hour of alone time — no screens needed!. 15 minutes for a younger child works too, then go outside for a moment alone.
Chores
It’s time people — this will make your life happier.
Life Skills
Now is the time to learn how to do a bit more for themselves. The demands of homeschooling and home entertaining can be doable if we aren’t also making waffles every morning or changing their sheets - or diapers!
Toddlers:
Yes, now is probably the best time to potty train. I can offer tips on a personal level just shoot me an email or you can use the book Oh Crap! by Jamie Glowacki
Preschool and Kindergarten:
Independent play. Yes, it is time to learn and it is completely possible, but it takes some time from you. I have used the Feed the Meter system coined by Dr. Harvey Karp for years and it works. Play with your child first for 15 minutes = get 10 minutes of independent play out of them after. Feed the meter frequently enough they will eventually learn to stretch their independent play past the amount of time you put in.
Elementary Aged:
My 8 year old loves waffles. In fact he is a pretty picky eater except for waffles. So I have been making them a lot during SIP, but I’m starting to loose it. I don’t have time to make waffles from scratch every day. And so he is learning to make his own waffles — yes, with a few burns. But he loves to cook and so I am happy he is finally learning to do so —independently — and will gladly play more of a supervisor role from now on.
Middle School and Up:
I don’t have high schoolers — I pity the parents who are sheltered in place with those hormones. I do however have a middle schooler and he is learning to keep his room orderly and bed made due to daily Zoom calls in there. He is also learning to balance screen time with off-screen time: discovering just what makes a 10 minute break nourishing and just how much water & calories are enough to keep his energy up all day.
Schedule Check In
How are things working? What can we change/adjust? Family meeting type deal.
